You’ve got the outfit that says, “What? I’m casually irresistible at all times.” You have the perfectly messed coif that’s all, “I’ve been making out with my lunch date for hours but wrapped things up just in time to greet you here at my door.” And, of course, you have your Chloe (or Forever 21) clutch packed with the following:
-Kissable gloss. Carmex is a no-no unless your dude’s into kissing his nana. I know the medicinal tingle tells you it’s working, but don’t make me say it again, ladies.
-Emergency gum. Under no circumstances should he see you pop this into your mouth before the crucial premiere pucker—he will know that you are amping up for frencher time, which will no doubt dash your mysterious-loner-girl allure.
-Perfume. Let’s stick with a one-squirt policy.
-Money. Just in case he’s a creep and you are forced to excuse yourself to “the ladies” to hail a cab.
Once out the door for the big night, what happens if said date goes south? For instance:
-He’s not as cute in the daylight. Somehow the aroma of stale beer and peanuts set to the soundtrack of remixed JT tunes (N-tss, N-tss, N-tss) doesn’t have the same appeal before midnight. Or when sober.
-He’s not as quick and witty as you thought. If a guy’s “yeeeeeah” lasts longer than 3.2 seconds, he’s toast. If he calls you “dooooood” walk away immediately (flowing surfer locks absolutely do not negate this rule).
-The first date goes swimmingly until he walks you to the door, leans toward you, and whispers, “Should I walk you in? We could…watch a movie.” We all know he’s not interested in your collection of Felicity or skipping to McAdams and Gosling dancing in the street (sigh). This should be a no brainer (I’m looking at you Jan!)…it’s like page four in the Young Ladies of Breeding handbook.
If these scenarios sound vaguely familiar…or spot on, reach for some vino and listen up.
